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My husband wants to be submissive but is extremely socially conscious, and feels it is his duty to embody traditionally "masculine" traits.

As a result I'm unhappy and we're both left frustrated. I'm grateful for the FLR movement. I'm hoping I can convince him to embrace his submissive nature rather than him continuing to try to stifle it.

I can't take much more of this split-personality he's exhibiting. Hopefully Jessica will find time to reply but I will answer with my own thoughts.

The masculine trait that you want to encourage in your husband is to be the ultimate gentleman as opposed to the macho egoist.

A gentleman doesn't need to be in charge. Ask him to do manly things on your behalf. Frame your marriage in those terms and see how he reacts.

My lady doesn't like the phrase Female Led Relationship, but she does like the phrase 'structured, negotiated relationship' and enjoys having a vote and a half when she wants it.

We try not to let words get in the way of what we are building. The biggest things our friends see is that my lady's happiness is a priority for me and that her opinions are very important to me.

In public, I tend to shoot for 'doting' or 'devoted husband' rather than 'hen-pecked. In terms of "finding" a submissive guy I am not sure there is any one "place", though I do think some spots are more likely than others.

I am in happy possession of a very submissive fellow and part of my reason for writing this post is to reflect back a bit on how exactly that wonderful outcome occurred.

Perhaps some of my reflections will be of use to other ladies. I hope so. First I think I have to acknowledge that I was by no means always after a submissive fellow.

In fact, even at the time I connected with my current spouse I am not sure I realized what was happening. Much of this is from a retrospective point of view.

Much of my early dating did not involve submissive guys at all. That, in fact, can be a bit of a "tender spot" for my husband now as he knows his "type" is not what I always sought - at all.

Early on I dated some "tough guys" - more "traditional" manly men. It is not that my husband is not "manly" - more that we more me than him have redefined our definition of manly.

Ironically, I met my husband in an office, where, I guess not surprisingly, he had a position that was subordinate to mine - though I was not his direct boss.

He was in some ways quite contrary to many of whom I had dated in college and beyond. He was quite shy and not at all aggressive sexually though I could tell he was enamored with me.

He did not have the "alpha" type persona I was more used to with males. He was, no doubt, heterosexual but the arrogance, the aggression, the self focus was not there.

I informed him that he would be subject to a new regime and that his life was about to change for ever. He now has a harsh new regime, and a simple life where he follows the rules in this site and maintains his own diary blog.

The No 1 aim is to improve my husband's submission to the level where he is happy he is being tested with new and old ideas and positively embraces each one.

For example, I should not be able to tell which ideas he likes the best, or does not like, because his level of submission is such that he is happy to do anything he is asked to do, with enthusiasm, and is begging for every idea to be done again.

Any idea which in my opinion is proven to increase his submission level can be added to the 'rules for my submissive husband' at any time. This includes things such as verbal humiliation, or washing his mouth out with soap.

The most intense submissive husband training that is used by many couples can include things like chastity belts for men, strapon training, and denial.

These methods seek to change the motivations of the men. Once a man has become a submissive husband, his needs are secondary to hers.

He needs to learn to refocus his own energy, and often times this takes having his urges suppressed or controlled. When the man has his desires suppressed, he can focus and concentrate on what she wants, and it makes him more obedient and attentive to his wife.

While a lot of the submissive training involves punishment and correction of behavior, there is an equal element of reward and satisfaction.

When submissive males are doing well with their training and are being obedient, they are rewarded by their wives with love, attention, and release.

Many men find that this is extremely gratifying, and the rewards are that much more powerful because they are truly earned.

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5 Ways A Submissive Can Help Their Dominant - Discovering Dominance #3 - Dom/Sub Relationships

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I believe God gives good gifts to married couples to be savored and enjoyed, not ignored and treated carelessly. My husband and I do enjoy a tremendously satisfying sex life, because we have grown in our sexual confidence and because we are secure in our roles for our marriage.

Another way that submissiveness outside of bed lends itself well in bed is that my husband and I have grown in our vulnerability.

This equips us to be able to say what we like sexually and to really listen to one another. Sign up for the Thought Catalog Weekly and get the best stories from the week to your inbox every Friday.

You may unsubscribe at any time. By subscribing, you agree to the terms of our Privacy Statement. So what does this have to do with sex?

Find more must-read sex and dating tips! Follow Her Catalog on Facebook today. More From Thought Catalog.

Rule 1: 2 Cold Showers Every Day. Rule 2: Thinking Time every day. Rule 4: Will enthusiastically try new ideas as directed to improve submission.

Rule 3: Offer a full domestic service for the house. Rule 5: No discussions including finances! She she is more assertive than I am and she knows has told me she can twist my arm easily anytime.

I love being under her spell, I am very happy to be her husband and do her will. Where in all that you got the idea that I am feminine? She wouldn't be with me if I was.

My husband wants to be submissive but is extremely socially conscious, and feels it is his duty to embody traditionally "masculine" traits.

As a result I'm unhappy and we're both left frustrated. I'm grateful for the FLR movement. I'm hoping I can convince him to embrace his submissive nature rather than him continuing to try to stifle it.

I can't take much more of this split-personality he's exhibiting. Hopefully Jessica will find time to reply but I will answer with my own thoughts.

The masculine trait that you want to encourage in your husband is to be the ultimate gentleman as opposed to the macho egoist.

A gentleman doesn't need to be in charge. Ask him to do manly things on your behalf. Frame your marriage in those terms and see how he reacts.

My lady doesn't like the phrase Female Led Relationship, but she does like the phrase 'structured, negotiated relationship' and enjoys having a vote and a half when she wants it.

We try not to let words get in the way of what we are building. The biggest things our friends see is that my lady's happiness is a priority for me and that her opinions are very important to me.

In public, I tend to shoot for 'doting' or 'devoted husband' rather than 'hen-pecked. In terms of "finding" a submissive guy I am not sure there is any one "place", though I do think some spots are more likely than others.

I am in happy possession of a very submissive fellow and part of my reason for writing this post is to reflect back a bit on how exactly that wonderful outcome occurred.

Perhaps some of my reflections will be of use to other ladies. I hope so. First I think I have to acknowledge that I was by no means always after a submissive fellow.

In fact, even at the time I connected with my current spouse I am not sure I realized what was happening. Much of this is from a retrospective point of view.

Much of my early dating did not involve submissive guys at all. That, in fact, can be a bit of a "tender spot" for my husband now as he knows his "type" is not what I always sought - at all.

Early on I dated some "tough guys" - more "traditional" manly men. It is not that my husband is not "manly" - more that we more me than him have redefined our definition of manly.

Ironically, I met my husband in an office, where, I guess not surprisingly, he had a position that was subordinate to mine - though I was not his direct boss.

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